Money Troubles

Charles Dickens wrote about a character, Mr Micawber, who said:

“Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and six pence, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds and six pence, result misery.”

Well, to be honest when aren’t there troubles with money? These past few years, however have been the most troublesome. Not because we’ve been any poorer than before, but probably because Ed and I have decided to actually deal with our money related issues rather than just cross our fingers and hope that everything will be fine. This has been a constant battle (usually around once a month, just before getting paid) but I’m convinced each time we look at our spending, blame each other, blame ourselves, shout, cry and then vow to sell Alfie into the doggy sex trade we get a little bit further towards feeling ‘on top’ (a feeling which our bi-curious labradoodle is rather unfamiliar with and thus rules the last money making suggestion out). This time it was at London Bridge station where Noah and I were coming home from a delightful weekend in the city with my sister, with seconds to spare I was hurriedly buying my ticket at one of those wretched machines. Card not authorised. Try again. Card not authorised. Extremely helpful sister’s boyfriend steps in and in a flash we’re running to the train which needless to say, we missed. The stress and embarrassment of it all made this particular money-trouble-facing episode all the more painful. There was no excuse this time, we’d lost track, spent too much and hoped for the best at the end of the month.

You see, after a rather stormy patch in our lives which left us jobless for a good nine months (in which time I fell pregnant, therefore leaving Ed as the sole breadwinner) we had accumulated rather a lot of debt. Rather naively and probably just being proud we didn’t get ask for any help from friends or family, nor did we claim any benefits or tax breaks. The only person we sought help from was our not so friendly bank manager and his little credit card minions. Long story short: lesson learned, thank goodness we only got that deep and thank goodness we’re on our way through. So, three years on we’re paying more trying to pay off our past than we are in rent. Now, far from moaning I really mean to paint a picture of someone who is genuinely happy to have faced some rather large issues in my life which I have to say, without the fear of not having enough money, may never have showed their ugly little heads. The trust and communication between Ed and me is better than ever and I know now that these (and plenty of other) dreadful things have only proven to push us closer together. Although I’m sure there are millions of people out there with the same fears at the end of the month, particularly in this financial climate, I’m just not so sure how many others are determined enough to allow themselves to go deep into those dark places of fear and come through the other side. All I can say is that I genuinely count myself lucky to have those few people around me who encouraged me to go through those times of pain and deal with the issues that come up along the way.

So, after looking at debt consolidation loans, bankruptcy and everything in between we came to a solution that is far, far simpler – spend less. Easy to say, yes but relatively easy to do. So long as you’re truly facing the reality of the situation, I’m sure in most cases you can look at everything that is coming in and THEN look at what needs to come out, ie. what do I have left to spend rather than what is necessary for me to spend. Now Ed and I are by no means in complete control of this but we’re trying and we’re being ruthless. Each time we look at it we have a greater understanding of priorities and the reality of those things we are actually able to afford. We are now stricter than ever on our budgets and take as much joint responsibility for each part of it as possible to avoid either of us hiding under the blanket of denial and then blaming the other for any over spend. I know, it sounds like hell, a formula for a relationship that might come out of some heartless self help guide to marital functionality. But this has truly brought us even closer, learning to truly trust each other in every part of our lives as I can assure you, if you can do it with money, you can do it with anything!

The result of all of this process in my life is that I’m learning to juggle looking after my toddler during the day, working at a local guesthouse in the evenings, cooking delicious (and I wont settle for anything less than delicious!) meals on a budget, making homemade Christmas decorations and gifts that are genuinely better and cheaper than anything you could buy (otherwise what’s the point, right!?) and all the while being completely together with Ed in everything we spend, cutting back on anything that goes stale and unnecessary in our lives and successfully (she says) living within our means. This is the greatest sense of achievement and satisfaction I could ever think of, the simplicity of 20 pounds in and nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and six pence out – absolute bliss.