Bananas, apples and greasy hair.

Me: “Do you want a banana or an apple Noah?”

Noah: “Yeah!”

Me: “No darling, banana OR apple?”

Noah: “Yeah!”

Me: “No, choose: banana OR apple?”

Noah: “nana!”

Me: “Great! Yes. A banana it is then!”

(Little pause as I proudly prepare the banana)

Noah: “Apple?”

Now I’m sure there’ll be a number of posts that will start with a quote from my 18 month old. There is no doubt that my life has a lot more laughter in it since he started communicating. I love watching him discover the world completely unadulterated. This morning’s breakfast selection process got me thinking though, why am I so indecisive? Now I wouldn’t go around ‘owning’ that label in a hurry. Deep down, I know I can and have made some very big, very important decisions in my life. With those big decisions somehow, I seem to be able to tap into a deeper more trusting side of my heart that knows it’ll be alright in the end. I find it easy to look back at my life and entertain the idea that maybe someone out there is looking out for me and maybe I can take a big step and all will work out in the end.

            There was, however something in Noah’s indecision about which fruit to eat that I could relate to. The small decisions are the ones that catch me out. It seems silly to allow my heart to take over in decisions about bananas and apples, or which clothes to wear or whether to wash my hair this morning or this evening. It is in these moments that my most controlling, OCD instincts take over. What if I eat an apple and the banana goes brown tomorrow? What if I wear my best sweater dress today and it’s not washed in time for my coffee date at the end of the week and I end up wearing the same thing I wore last time I saw that friend? What if I wash my hair this morning and it’s not at it’s best tomorrow for work? Or worse, what if I do need to go out today after all and have to unleash my greasy hair upon the public?! It’s exhausting! And surely these are the decisions that matter the least, why do they take up most of my daily worrying time? I’m sure I worried less when I fell pregnant whilst Ed and I were both unemployed, trying to sell a flat in a recession and going through the biggest emotional rollercoaster of our lives. If all things worked themselves out in time for Noah to enter this world (well most things anyway!), maybe, just maybe that brown banana will still be edible tomorrow. Or maybe it really just doesn’t matter, maybe going with my heart on even the smallest of things isn’t such a bad idea after all, it’s clearly worked in the past, maybe it really does know something I don’t.

And to start...

Just to introduce and explain myself. I feel like I'm at the start of my life now and what better time to begin a blog? As I begin my journey, with a husband, an 18 month old son and a neurotic labradoodle along for the ride, I can't help feeling it's going to be a crazy one. My life so far has been full of surprises and certainly out of the box. I've seen friends and family come and go for the most genuine and most silly of reasons, I’ve seen myself in bizarre places around the world and with people I’d never expect, all whilst I try to embrace this most beautiful and challenging thing we call life.

If I were to write a novel about the events of the past three or four years in particular, there is no doubt it would make a good read, however the most important thing to me is how those things have helped shape me. This readers, is why I have chosen to blog, as much for my own curiosity as anything else. I long to see those challenges from my past (and no doubt life will be adding to them along the way) show their heads in every part of my life from now on.  I suppose that taking life as it comes and learning to see the beauty, irony and opportunity in each moment is precisely where I’m at, and if that means a few giggles and points to ponder over for those reading, why not share that? 
So, let’s begin…